So we’re finally down to four. By which I mean our average IQ for watching this stupid show week after week in spite of the fact that we all know Ben will probably make a really bad choice in the end (*cough* Courtney) and be broken up by the time the finale airs. But much like the six-car pileup in the median on our way to work we can’t avert our eyes. So let’s get right to it …
8:01 p.m. I can’t wait to see the family Courtney rented from the modeling agency she supposedly works for.
8:03 p.m. I really wish Ben would have shown up on a horse of his own just to upstage LindZZZZeeee. Or better yet in a Hummer while eating a horse burger.
8:04 p.m. EARLY LEADER FOR QUOTE OF THE WEEK: “Horses have been my life since … before I was born.” — LindZZZZZeeee
8:06 p.m. I hope Ben looks into the picnic basket and goes, “OK, so I’ve got horseradish sauce, Colt 45, Philly cream cheese, and, um, let’s see, Elmer’s glue so we can make macaroni art.”
8:14 p.m. Was the dog really riding on the back of the horse cart? Wait. Were they really racing horse carts? Wait. Is LindZZZeee really calling Ben her “boyfriend”?
8:22 p.m. I just said how this episode is dragging and my wife wisely pointed out that they rarely lead with the biggest train wreck. So smart, that woman (except for the whole saying “I do” thing). I am so glad we met each other on that reality dating show. I’ve said too much …
8:26 p.m Kacie: “I’m so excited to see Ben.” My wife: “Then WHY did you wear THAT?”
8:28 p.m. I had no idea baton twirling was so intensive. Kacie B. is completely out of breath after that 18 second number.
8:28 p.m. “And after that he sold sporting goods. So he was VERY involved in the community.” Well I think that goes without saying, Kacie B.
8:29 p.m. Is Kacie B. sporting the Bill Bellichick collection?
8:38 p.m. KACIE B’S DAD: “Ben, there’s something I’ve been waiting all night to ask you.”
BEN: (Gulps) “OK.”
KACIE B’S DAD: “Would you like an O’Douls?
8:42 p.m. Kacie B’s parents are ruining any shot she might have had at being miserable with Ben for seven weeks. And just as an aside, who the hell is glad somebody has concerns?
8:44 p.m. KACIE B’S DAD-TO-ENGLISH TRANSLATOR: Eez = is; Lof = life; Mm-K = don’t make me whoop your ass on national television, gurl.
8:48 p.m. I kind of feel like Activia is missing their core demographic by advertising during “The Bachelor.” Honestly, I thought ABC only allowed Zima and Tampax commercials to run. So confused …
8:52 p.m. Holy cliche machine! I fully expect them to take a Ford F-150 to a cigarette factory from here.
9:07 p.m. Annnnnd Dad makes the same mistake twice.
9:17 p.m. I like how Courtney’s dad matched his sweater vest with the tablecloth.
9:31 p.m. $100 says Courtney is drawing a picture of herself.
9:36 p.m. Another $100 says this mock wedding would be 500 times more enjoyable their actual one.
9:41 p.m. I hope that these hometown dates taught Ben some valuable lessons. Like that drinking is wrong, horses can solve all the world’s problems, and Courtney’s baby voice is so annoying it could even get Tim Tebow to commit double homicide.
9:55 p.m. Wow. I totally though Kacie B. was going to be one of the final two. But that whole “can’t have sex until you’ve been married for 25 years” thing that her mom and dad laid out to Ben might have been a deal breaker.
10:00 p.m. Tonight’s winner of the dodged-a-huge-bullet-but-doesn’t-know-it-yet sweepstakes.
See you at the crime scene again next week …
> This entry was written by , posted on February 20, 2012 at 8:46 pm, filed under Uncategorized and tagged "The Bachelor", Ben, Bryce Donovan, hoes, Hometown dates, imminent disaster. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.
